My life has changed so much. Sometimes I need to say something in private. Just comment for an add. :)
If you're on this page to check it out (communities, etc), my profile page is detailed.

- peace.

Dear LJ,

My father's constant discouragement of television watching has forced me to finally finish a book a friend gave to me after we graduated high school. It is called "Veronika Decides to Die" by Paulo Coelho. After he gave me that book, I started seeing the author's name everywhere. Every book store I turned. Every kid who had a reading assignment. Just every where. I decided to read the book little by little. After 3 years, I've finally finished the book. Tonight. It struck something in me.

That book was about people too afraid to live their dream and people unafraid to alive their dream. In both situations, they went crazy. Ultimately, you need to be crazy enough to pursue your dreams because they are a part of you. And those who did... Einstein, Newton, Picasso, whomever. They're not heros. They were ordinary people. Someone probably said they were crazy and told them to stop their nonsense. (I just found out there is a beautiful, brand new film of this just this year!)

Well, at any rate, I went to pick up my little brother's winter book assignment and behold... yet another Paulo Coelho book. I decided to read more about him. I started reading his most acclaimed book, The Alchemist. I read his introduction. I'm not done, but I'm really inspired by this man. He wrote "How did my book become a success? My honest answer is that I do not know." He seems to be a big... "live your dreams" kind of person. And he describes this need in a more eloquent and touching way than I ever could. But now, I have the sudden urge to write. So I came to you, LJ.



In my times of emotion, I have to write. I like the things I write. In fact, I wish I would have fits of emotion more often so I can write more! I'm typing up a short thing I wrote one night when I was wishing for someone to lay next to me in bed. Its not that I wanted someone to talk to. I wanted someone who wanted to talk to me.

Dear LJ,

I haven't updated in a while. I've been too busy with school and parents. I always seem to have some trouble, but I hope the issue is resolved now. I've spent most of this semester feeling like they were punishing me and not understanding what they wanted from me. I still don't fully understand the dynamics of our relationship, but at least in this moment, I've learned that I have trouble with following through with what I say I'll do. I read somewhere that is called "integrity". Some may call it "reliability". Its really hard for me. Because I hate letting people down. I'd rather disappear and show up when I'm ready... But I need to start making realistic goals for myself, telling people those goals and updating people. Because this problem of mine is effecting everyone I know. From family, friends, work, school, etc...

I've just been feeling too... down to update. Like life just gave me a right upper cut knuckle sandwich and knocked reality right into my head.

In other news, I'm taking a MacroEconomics online winter course! Why am I excited? Because this will help me to graduate on time while I try to take no more than 15 hours per semester. I've also been thinking about getting an internship. I don't know... I'm scared. I just want to graduate and I need to use the summer to do well in my courses. Plus... I applied for that Roadtrip Nation thing. If I got it... that'd be a dream come true!! I don't mind using the summer after I graduate to get an internship if I can't get a full time job.

Absolutely not! I would not ban ANY book unless the detail methods of how to harm oneself or others. Why would you want to restrict teenagers from the world? From knowing all that can be out there just because you deem it "inappropriate". Listen, this is America, not China... I remember when I first kissed a boy. I felt betrayed by puritan culture. "Why would they try to keep me from this AMAZING feeling and connection? Why would they try to convince me that its bad? Why do they want me to keep my eyes closed?" And so young... Youth is the time to expand because expanding is so hard to do when you're older and just want to go to sleep.

Anyways...

Dear LJ,

I am tired. I didn't sleep last night.

I have managed to attend every class this semester bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. A first in my whole HS and college career.

Being sleep deprived has lead to me losing some much-needed video footage and my old cellphone. Even though no one in the world would need a CASSETTE of footage and a BROKEN CELLPHONE, they took it...

Among other things (silly mistakes, bad driving, the list goes on...).

O.M.G. There is only 4 more weeks left in the semester. Praise the effin' lord...!!! I can't wait to move out of here!

BTW, I am now 21.

With thanksgiving,
- Peace

I want to be like her when I grow up.

Dear LJ,

Yes, I was thinking about boys again. I haven't thought about boys in a while. But it came to my mind as last night, before our dance team performed at the talent show, I was kind of flirting with another talent show competitor. Not on purpose. Just as it is my nature to introduce myself to people I find intriguing.

And then when I met Orlando to give him a ticket to record the show for free, he smiled at me in that sweet smile he always smiles. I haven't seen a guy smile at me like that in a while. And I kind of melted.

So, I was thinking about guys! I had a talk with Reem the other day about men. So, usually when I say this people think I'm crazy, but sometimes, I can look at a man and tell in that instant that I am going to know him. Its like... its like looking at someone you already know, but you know you haven't met them yet. Its so weird. And it works every single time.

I thought about how I haven't experienced that in a while.

I don't know if this thing happens much when it comes to women. If it doesn't work for women, its my fault. I don't think I tend to allow myself to be mentally open towards women like I am toward men. I'm working on that. I'd like to connect this way with all people, not just men.

So last night during the talent show, I guess I practiced. I was chatting with this one girl and when the show was over, I met her friend. Her friend was rather odd... She was super chipper. Now, I normally love and am intrigued by chipper people, but she was chipper to an almost scary level. You'd see this type of character in a movie. You'd never think you'd meet them in real life.

I didn't run away from her. I tried to calm myself down. Usually, when people talk to someone who freaks them out, they start freaking out themselves internally. I was trying not to do that. Its hard.

The way I want to be with people is a hard way to be. Some people are naturally gifted.

Dear LJ,
Since I don't have internet at home, I have been writing my thoughts in a real diary. The thing about this is... I had been trying to make my LJ more diary like. More like taking a short dive into my deep feelings and back out. And I have been trying to friend people who do the same with their LJ (or atleast keep it interesting). And I haven't. But the moment I don't have internet, all of a sudden, emotions and thoughts come out of no where and they get on paper and never onto the web.

I have a few stories in this "diary". They're fantasies/stories, feelings, and short blurbs. I've been contemplating posting them online. Maybe from now on, I will.

I don't want to use this as a laundry list, ya know? "I'm doing this, this, and this." I just want to start typing. No briefing on who or what something is. Just type and go!

Unfortunately, I don't have any emotions or thoughts right now...

--- Its been a few hours between writing this and pushing PUBLISH. I am MAD PISSED. To find out an old HS "buddy" (not friend, but more than an acquaintance) is probably racist or in the very least has been hating me and hiding it with a smile. W. T. F.

I haven't updated anything in a while. Not my beauty blog, facebook, etc. I've been pretty contemplative lately (and others can tell). My parents want me to take out a loan to teach me a lesson. They think I'm slacking off in school. My face kind of fell. Because on the plus side, I am so HAPPY that they can no longer use the "We're paying for your education" excuse. But, I don't know what I'm doing (the Financial Aid office said I will automatically be granted $75,000 which is a little more than what I need, so I guess I'm good!). On top of that, they still expect to dictate my life.

Then, a few days later, some people from this show came to my school


Roadtrip nation! So if I get it, I will be spending my July and half of August roadtripping in that RV having interviews with some of the most influential people I will probably ever meet! You get paid $25 a day to spend how you want to (primarily for food, but if I get it, I plan to just buy a lot of food at walmart before I go and save up that money to pay my college loans). So right after I sent it Round 1 application, I met the guy who's season is currently playing and I guess he's in charge (his name is Ray). He said I'll be in Round 2 which I'm excited for.

So this may seem kind of stalkerish, but I was googling to see how some of the kids are living post-Roadtrip and I found the guy's blog and myspace. I'm not friending him until after the whole application process over because that would just be creepy, right? And awkward. I was reading this stuff anyway. He's pretty cool. His music and writing is great. So I have to be a secret admirer for now.

So anyway... whenever I REALLY WANT something, I tend to act as if I already have it. And I thought "No, now... I need a back up plan. I WANT to do SOMETHING other than school this summer." I only have a list of 3 companies I am applying to for internships. So I've contacted the engineering career lady to give me a few more.

Besides really needing the money, I really need the experience. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life~! My goal at the end of each academic year from here on out is to earn at least $5,000. So when I graduate, I should have at least $10,000. Loans are deferred for 6 months so I need a job IMMEDIATELY upon graduation. So I will be taking the teaching certificate exam. Teachers make at least $25,000 a year. That's still not enough... My goal is to make at least $40,000 after that year. Somehow, some way. Have half of my loans paid for and pay the other half with interest within 1 year. I just HATE the idea of being in debt. I hate it so much. I'm already almost $200 in debt because I joined that stupid fraternity. I want to get rid of that debt before I go full out on whatever it is I found that I must do in life.

Unless some how (with my grades and a loathe for structured education, I can't see it happening until I'm old and severely need the money) I end up going to graduate school. My parents would gladly pay for a medical degree.

Listen, my philosophy is... I'm young. No children or husband. I'm in AMERICA. My parents provided me with all the essentials to get by. How dare I NOT try to live my dreams to the fullest because everyone else in the world dies with regret and unfulfillment. If I don't make it and I am in need, I'm so lucky. My family has enough money to send me to medical school.

I feel like I am in the exact position to DO THIS. And my parents feel I am in the exact position to NOT do this... But why else would God and this universe put me in a blessed body, country, and family? To just do what everyone else does? It doesn't make sense...

I'm having issues with this.
I am often bipolar! One moment, I am a ball of unkempt energy and the next, I'm reserved and somber.

I can't seem to apply these qualities whenever and wherever necessary! Grr!

The marie claire article.

I was listening to the radio and they were talking about this. They seemed SURPRISED. I think the war-on-drugs may have a lot to do with people's perceptions of one of the most harmless street drugs out there, but it was still kind of funny to hear their surprise. Kidd said that smoking makes you lazy and you're more likely to be lazy if you smoke. He's confusing the cause with the effect. Smoking doesn't make you lazy. Its just that Lazy People are the ones who smoke. You're more likely to smoke if you're lazy, not vice versa.

I think this is because being lazy is rather boring. And depressing. You're getting no where. When you're high, you feel totally okay with the fact that you're not doing anything. Its escapism. Whether you're under a lot of stress at work, you want a nice time, or you don't want to think about how lazy you are.

So anyway... I finally have some pen pals, but I haven't written to them yet because I have been so behind in my work. Why was I behind? I didn't look at my to-do lists! But now, I feel on top of my game. I have to be because this weekend is a very BIG weekend. I'm leading an "awakening" retreat and auditioning 2 dances for the talent show. And I have to organize dates, times, budget, and story for the musical. :S The stress of me not looking at my to-do lists and being behind gave me a pimple last night!

Even though it is a rainy day, I feel really good...

I'm the director of an Oliver & Company musical! Its actually just going to be 5 to 10 minutes. We really want to do this movie because... listen to that song! Wouldn't that be SO fun to do as a finale?

Actually, my first thought was to do the Lion King, but after I met with a friend who's just as enthusiastic about this project as I am, she brought up the point that Lion King would require a lot of people to fill the sound of the music. I told her we can get people, but I realized that most of the people would be unreliable, not invested, etc, etc. Its better to do it with less people who care than more people who don't. The music in Oliver is good for a small cast.

We're still trying to find people to do this. We're hustling like crazy... our angle is that we're a group of kids who want to perform at this musical competition to represent what SMU really is. Usually, white sororities put together a show and compete against each other, even though the competition is open to everyone. We want to prove that its an SMU show, not a Panhellenic Sorority show. I never seen the show "Glee", but someone told me that's what we remind him of. Hah!

The theme this year is Disney, so we had lots to choose from.


And what a frilly and fantastic opening! AHH! I'm excited! ^_^
... The pool scene of HSM2 mixed with Diamonds are a Girls' Best Friend scene is coming to mind.

Haha, there have been a lot of things I wanted to write about, but I didn't have the internet to write it.

Anyway, right now, I am procrastinating on writing a reading summary. I'm sitting here thinking about how all day, I didn't do anything. I didn't go to work. I did just one homework assignment. I didn't go to dance rehearsal. When I found myself NOT wanting to go DANCE, I was like "Hm, okay. Something is wrong with me. That is like one of the first signs of depression... losing interest in your favourite things."

This drug is like smoking weed with people you are uncomfortable with. You're lazy. You don't want to move. You feel terrible. You feel paranoid. Ugh.

This drug is CONCERTA. The one for people with ADD. It worked well the first month I used it but ever since... its just bee terrible. I'm not excited or energetic like I usually am and people can tell. People who know me ask "Are you okay?" and people who don't know me will think I'm just mellow and dull when I am the total opposite. I don't want to do anything. And I get depressed on this drug. Unfortunately, my old doctor has gone to a new place to work. I don't know who is the new psychiatrist on campus, but I will find out soon.

Its not that I GOTTA HAVE A DRUG. It just makes me feel better knowing there is something to give me a little extra boost. And Concerta is doing the exact opposite.

Drug aside, I have been feeling depressed lately. I feel like I do not have any friends. Or all my friends have moved on so much in life that there is no time for me. This guy that I had a bit of a end-of-school fling with last year told me that he has found a girl he is into and he wanted to tell me so that he wouldn't be leading me on. I wasn't sad about that. I just felt so jealous that everyone is having good relationships, romantically or friendship-ly or wahtever and I am not.

I have been attacking this week ferociously. I've been so busy. With school and studying (yes, I actually sit and study and do homework these days) and dancing and "drama" (that I am probably creating in my head for lack of a social life) and parents.

Living with limitations is teaching me important lessons. Having a curfew, having no internet, not having the cool mp3 players or cellphones that all my peers have. It is teaching me something I wish I learned when I was younger. To never use your limitations as an excuse to not do something. I can't use the fact that I don't have a camera keep me from recording my dancing to show to potential clients. Or the fact that I don't have internet keep me from doing my homework. Or the fact that I have a curfew keep me from going to dance class and running the club or getting a job so I can finally move out.

In the past two years, I let all sorts of things (and people) keep me from doing what I want and need. Which is strange since my personality seems to always say "I don't care if they told me I can't... I'm going to do it anyway!"

I'm so tired. I want this semester to end. As rewarding and frustrating as it is... I want to just see the fruits of this labour now. I need some patience.

And I am never wearing weave again. I hate them... twists and braids, I am coming back!
And when I woke up this morning I couldn't help but hear a bunch of people screaming "HAPPY FRIDAY" outside my window... today actually was a good day. Full of dancing...! Phew! I am so soar and nasty right now.

My mom left me a voicemail today. She tells me to clean my room and then suggests that I have a good day and says "I love you".

I've been crying every now-and-then all day long because of that.

I love you, too.

So, this week I have been academically unproductive and have experienced all sorts of emotions. Yesterday was particularly good. I danced my heart out and shared it on youtube (omg, people actually watched that...). Then I was invited to the Pike house -- it was fun! No one knew me. I always feel special when I am new. I get to tell them about me being Nigerian and born in Australia. Then I get to be really good at something (this time, being the drummer for the new Beatles RockBand). I was really elated last night.

And omg, this make up primer is so good (lancome)! I've been crying and my makeup did not move!

So, my professor wants us to write some examples of smilies, metaphors, and analogies (I know, right? We're in 3rd grade again). He showed us examples from students of last year. This one really stood out to me:

"Their love began much like the universe exists. It just was, and yet there had to be a certain point at which it started, a point that can be pinned down, examined, classified, not unlike insect collections. But while one can pin down a ladybug and label it coccinella septempunctata, one cannot pin down the universe for the universe is too large, too grand, too ordinary, too everyday, too everything in a contradictory manner, and that is what makes this all so difficult."

I love to read lovely snippets of writing...

The answer is eggs & beans, but more on that in a bit...

The lawns of SMU have turned quite a bit less green than usual and the leaves from the trees have started to show themselves on the pavement. The air doesn't hesitate to nip at my hairs and make them stand on end. I go to school with sweaters and scarves now. Autumn has arrived.

Autumn has always been my favourite season. I love the warm colours associated with it. I love the thought of a slight chill because you get to bundle up, but not too much. Everything is familiar and comfortable. This would be my favourite time to have a lover. I love going for walks in this season. I love moving in close for warmth when a random wind comes in. I like getting inside and making hot cocoa (milk-free! I think I truly am lactose intolerant) while it begins to rain. *sigh*



Every morning I pour extra virgin olive oil into a pan. Get it hot. Crack 2 or 3 eggs. Add some seasoning, tomatoe stew, chicken broth, or whatever tasty thing is around. Fry it, mixing them all together as it cooks. Then pouring it on top of some warm beans (black eyed beans, black beans, pinto beans, I do not care. I like beans) or a delicious bagel/english muffin/bread/toast.

This is what I usually have for breakfast. Keeps me happy and full until past lunch time and helps me beat the "afternoon slump" that I am prone to. It works much better with BEANS than with these more... yeast-y sides. :)

Holy damn! Job searching is so hard!

I'm not looking for one right now, but I am doing an assignment and oh my god!

I'm really lucky that I have jobs I like on campus and a kind of temporary "senior" plan in mind. But man... finding a job is going to be really hard.

And my parents are driving me off the effin' wall, btw. Oh my god. I am starting to eat fast food again. I hate a huge burger today and I'm going to eat another one for dinner because my parents just stress me the eff out!

My dad has been very worried about me in regards to me studies. He says that I am not as driven to succeed in school as I was when I was younger.

I remember those days. If I was not the best or fully understanding anything, I would even break down and cry. I used to want to learn so much and so hard.

My dad says when I got to my junior year of highschool, I didn't have that drive anymore. Makes sense. That's when I realized all my desire to succeed wasn't getting me anywhere. In college, my criticism of myself left me feel like "What's the point?". I don't think my dad understands that fully. He thinks that I was just depressed because I was hitting myself against the head angry. He said I need to get angry, but not get depressed. I don't think he understood... I was angry and I tried so hard. And I got nothing. I didn't get the grades. I never got the priveledge of living life with my American friends. And yet he is trying to tell me that I wasn't a problem child when I was younger? I was never good enough for him or my mom and so I was never good enough for myself.

Now, he says when he looks in my eyes, he sees no drive. I felt slighted. I am quite aggressive with my hip hop dance club (which I cam keeping a secret from him), making money (also a secret), and I have never been so involved with my professors before. I've never been so on-time. So organized. So 'done-with-my-homework'. So 'I-know-what-we're-doing-in-class-tomorrow'. So 'this-is-worth-my-time-and-that-is-not'. He doesn't see it? Because I am trying my best to do it with a peaceful look on my face. Stress is the number one killer, period. I've been sick before. I've been utterly, pathetically depressed. And I thought I was literally going insane. I absoultey refuse to go back to a life of stress. Plus, I want to still look good when I'm 40.

So anyway... he was disappointed to look through my note book and not see it just HEAVY with notes and marks. He said I am not trying hard enough. He said I am not pushing myself enough. He's right. I totally am not. I decided this year I am not going to stress myself anymore. I'm going to be as 'zen' as I possibly can be and I decided I didn't care to read the text book.

I think I'm going to buy my textbooks now, though. Even though I do not totally agree with my father, I must admit that my goal was to allocate an hour for 3 of my classes each day. That means 3 hours studying everyday (including time for homework) and I haven't been even close to doing that. I skim my notes and leave like I forgot that the 3 courses have exams (1 of my courses does not have exams, hence I never study it). So, I think from now on, I'm going to fill the hour with matching up words from the textbook with points made in class. I read my philosophy textbook last week. I understood the class material a lot better. I though I got it before, but class just made it a reinforcing element to make it stick to my memory and it felt good.

And of course, I haven't been reading much of Cal Newport because his ideas have only been confusing me. I'm using him as a guide as I slowly figure it out for myself. Oh, but his Questions and Answers method is the bomb! And he is the one who made me realize that I need to relax. Becuase this is my life. Its not like I am preparing to run a race... I am LIVING and for the time being, school is main ingredient of my life.

I have more to say about my view on life. I'll update later.

I will update... regardless of having slow interwebz.

So, I have been watching a lot of Degrassi. Its easier to watch it now that I am 20 and not in the midst of high-school hormones. At the same time, its delicious to watch these kind of dramas (esp. since one of the characters just makes my mouth water). Since my life has almost none. I realized that the actors on this show have been growing up at the same time their characters have. I bet that's really cool. I bet its a lot of fun and a lot of satisfying work.

Satisfying work. There's nothing I really like more in life than satisfying work.

Could my life be a youth-drama?

It'd start out with a young brown skinned girl walking into class a few minutes before the start time. In come supporting character... "Wow... YOU'RE here ON TIME? I never thought I'd see the day." "Oh, shut up! Its a new year. I need to have a fresh start." "Yeah? Well... Good for you. Really, I'm proud of you". In comes professor. "Okay, class blah blah blah".... cut to me eye-ing cute boy in the corner. Who I just happened to bump into when class was over.

Hahaha! It sounds so lame! Hahaha! There'd be some drama. Oh, parent drama. There is a good bit of guy-drama with a delicious back story. I think me having ADD and an optimistic life-outlook would give the show some quirk. At the same time, the experiments I do on my body make me have some interesting results that I bet would be interesting on film (drama-wise). My dance club would be a cute side-side story.

Okay, okay, so the real deal is that I am super excited (and also super terrified) for my dance club. I think a guy I had a bit of a crush on my freshman year is finally noticing me. Which is exciting because I've been feeling like such a loser lately... attracting guys that I totally do not want. At the same time the guy I was head over heels for in freakin' high school is revealing to me things I didn't know (and what a shame I didn't know them in HS). My ADD is making me tweak out all the time (especially with me feeling this excited about dance and guys) and I haven't done any homework in like 3 days. And I cried last night because my parents just make me feel like less of a human all the time (like a baby... babies don't have any rights because they don't know anything).

Actually, I have been meaning to make an update on my "The Undergraduate" youtube attempt at a vlog/reality series. I JUST found my digital camera. So I have a lot of film and crap to go through. But its so much fun to make videos and edit them!

Ah! Ah! Ah! *gasps*

Its happening again! My ADD is kicking in. This happens when I get too excited about one thing but am obligated to do another. I'm writing in my journal to help me calm down. Thank GOD for this journal. I'd be a train wreck without it!

Why am I excited?
www.hiphopdc.blogspot.com

THAT'S WHY! Read the entries. THAT IS WHY I am SUPER stoked. SUPER EXCITED. AND SUPER UNABLE TO CONCENTRATE ON MY HOMEWORK.

I started this assignment at 10 pm. I should be done by now. Its 1 am. What have I been doing? I've been updating lists and blogs and crap about my club! This is why my parents didn't want me to start a club. I have a tendency to do this. To get very excited and forget the priority of the moment.
( Read more... )

Okay... making a list didn't work. So I sent my learning advisor an e-mail. Wow, here is the great thing about being clinically diagnosed with an LD or ADHD. I get to have an advisor who is really sensitive to the problems I am prone to. Pat was my first one (non-LD/ADD). She was great, but I didn't feel like I was making personal progress. Just someone to check up on me. I never felt quite right. Then I met Alexa who was too busy to take me so I ended up with Glenn. I like Glenn because his personality is more manly, if that makes sense. He doesn't make me feel like a sugar plum sweetie pie the way Alexa does. Don't get me wrong -- I love feeling like a little sweetie, but Glenn makes me want to be more straight-forward and honest and myself with him (my frank, yet ditzy self). After e-mailing him, I wrote on several friends' walls. I now have no choice but to attempt my assignment again.

Here I go.

I just need to express these things that were on my mind last night. This post is rather blab-ful. Hah!

Okay, so this semester, I am doing a bit of things.
I'm running this hip hop dance club, writing for the daily campus, and working in the media center in the library (and tutoring when that starts in a month or so).

I was also going to work as a desk assistant, but the lady who is in charge of that seems to be trying to avoid me... >_> ... *ahem* I don't know what is up with that... but I have given up on trying to get contact with her since my schedule is already full. I'll try again next semester when I am living on campus. It was such good easy money. As many hours as I wanted. And I met cool people.

I calculated that I'll make $2,500 this semester unless I do something else (such as that acting thing I did in the summer haha. I already spent 1/3 of that money! Or doing some little online job thing). I will some how come up with that extra $1,000. Some how. Hah. Maybe I will finally be chosen to be an RA. I'm trying very hard to keep good relationships with my professors by smiling, being on time, being excited for their class (and I am), and remembering that they are human beings so I don't have to worry about bad letters of recommendation again.

So, career-wise, I went to a seminar about jobs in consulting to write about it for the Daily Campus. I learned a lot! Basically, getting a job after graduation is going to be very competitive. I don't need to have a masters degree to do what I want to do. I just need to hustle. I need to know all about the companies I am applying for. I learned a lot of things. There was one man that I was particularly attracted to. You know, one of those things... someone you just like the moment they open their mouths. I talked to him a lot and he was so honest. He told me ( ... )

So I think working with a consulting firm this summer would be really cool. I'd really like to have that experience.

Lastly, I want to note that I try to fit too many things in a day. I try to go to all these club meetings and things when I don't need to. I need to try and make sure that out of all the frivolous things I am doing, the one important thing I do needs to be the only important thing I am doing that night or plan extremely well so there is no clash. I turned in my article 1.8 hours late last night. I didn't think it was that big of a deal because the last paper I wrote for gave us A LOT of slack. I got an email from someone who was like "This is unacceptable!" and I was like "Oh damn! Sorry!" I by nature am late, so, I need to make sure I take things ONE STEP AT A TIME. I can't believe I still forget about that.